DIARY: 4380

As i lay in bed holding onto what i had thought was true, i lay myself quietly listening to soft sad sounds caressing my ears. alone i sleep watching the stars rise above my head near my window i hear the clashing of the elements outside my home. i watch as children play in the spring-like air with others giggling. as i make love to the sounds that gently touch my skin bumps forming as cold air blow from my fan. my hair freshly cut my make up fresh and clean my outfit placed carefully upon my body. i noticed that i have thought a great deal of myself no thought has ever provoked such feeling of joy i noticed how i change who i am only to fit in, but were it really the fact i wanted to understand another i wanted to see how a person felt and acted and why. a simple creation of reincarnation of myself i thought out to find what others longed i found myself changing my name to fit each person a story and a fantasied life. i fell in love with each and everyone for each a different reason. i noticed that each one i created became a reality to me at one point in time. i used it as a gateway to escape what was there as to avoid having to be honest. i broke down the barriers able to finally open my eyes and notice who i was as the waves crashed into my feet i sat i the sand letting the warm sun keep me company. i am the greatest actress to the blind eye as i interlaced so perfectly with the roles i had given myself not once letting myself slide i only enjoyed being a person for casual pastime after much though i realized my only being to be who i was when i was created. no longer will i mask myself behind such lies and stories just the simple pleasure of existence.

BIRDPRIEST

model: kim @ sigal models
styling: myself
mua:myself

location: local parks and random little shop

Kim did a good job she walked around in the rain for me and she is now signed to an agency so congrats to her! she is a good friend/model of mine so please show her some love for her good job she was a trooper through all the horrendous weather conditions.

M

DIARY:3208

it's not every day i think about hollow thoughts i try to fill them in as i work my way back up to the surface. i see nothing but blur of lights passing by the wind is kissing my face the sound of clanking cars against the road the snow being collected in their hands. i miss the old stuff before it was all simple i was so dependent of everyone i sometimes feel resentment towards my family for the little things i dont want to feel that way. its like your in an ocean and every second you alive floating into the abyss of the unknown you can't help but imagine if your going to make it if your going to die and right as you begin to drown you swim back up laying on the surface but the air is toxic and you suffocate. so you close your eyes to just fall asleep six feet under its such a sad thought to think this is how you have to live your actual life. i sit my head against the wall behind me propping myself up trying to wake up a pounding headache to my right is a friend slapping my face trying to wake me up and to the left another walking in circles wondering what they should do with me. i see vomit on the floor i had passed out i made myself sick enough to pass out after throwing up. i sat still wondering if this is all there is. i made love to the words and feelings in my head about the girl i had imagined in my sleep. i love her, but its wrong i cant love her im not allowed t0 love her like i am to love a boy. i was sent home and laid in bed but i could only think. i rather be a boy than a girl and i want to love the girl of my dreams. i feel lonely no laughter no speaking no emotions im completely shut down emotionally physically mentally. i lay in bed hugging my sheets to keep warm last i remember was drinking to make this void go away this fucking void i can't seem to fill and the more i try to fill it in the bigger it gets. i feel so alone in a world full of people. everyone has someone or something and i have nothing but ticking clocks and four walls of white. im sad. i wonder if im just dying and this is all in my head a rerun of my life. i feel dead might as well be. ---------dead. someone pulled the cord.

DIARY:82129

a collection of photographs all together

DIARY: my home (summer)

i find that no matter how far i go i will always love my first home in columbus, ohio i see myself becoming more nostalgic as i begin to move away from my home here to a new home hopefully in the city where its usually always moving and bustling. i need a change of pace from my slow- county to a fast-state. i will always credit my nostalgic home to be the reason i found so many ideas and things to photograph but i think i out grew a small place and its quite a same as i will miss it here. my home yard in the summer blazed heat in the year of 2011 i say farewell to you and see you soon love you mom and dad, but i find i need to grow and go free somewhere else i will make you both proud of me in the end no matter what i do it will all be for you.

teenage riot

model: iris
styling/mua: me and rissy

so considering we planned to do a totally different shoot we had a night filled with incidents that we ended up eating chinese food talking about random things speeding to the local grocery store to get a new memory card to only find out i had no money left. we ended up finding a memory card in my mothers closet where we worshiped it for hours and so thus became this random shoot teenage riot by the one and only rissy.

M

GILDED YOUTH

model: iris

mua/styling: andi

based around a girl who lives in a plain suburban town we find ways to make things happen and she was a great model and i wish to work with her in the future. its sad to say my make up artist will be moving to a new city to get her hands into more jobs she may find i wish her all the best and im glad i got to work with her once more before she left (even if this is not the last). alright so my set of a rebellious teen set in a "getting-nowhere-town" we created what we could to make gilded youth happen. thanks everyone and enjoy.

M